New York Lawyer
February 20, 2003

Q:
I am a young female associate. I recently joined a large firm. Shortly after I accepted the position, I was warned by two older female staff members about a male partner, "Randy."

Randy allegedly "preys" on the young female hires and has apparently been involved in several office affairs, many of which ended badly. I am concerned because Randy is asking for my assistance on several projects and is very friendly. Today he asked me out for a drink after work. I politely declined and explained that I was meeting my fiance after work (no such person exists).

My gut tells me that this is going to be a difficult situation, especially given the long working hours and extensive travel that this job demands. I am reluctant to work in close proximity with Randy, but want to show my willingness and enthusiasm to tackle any assignment.

There are a few senior female partners in the firm, but I have not yet had the opportunity to establish any relationships.

How should I handle the situation? Should I seek out a female mentor? Decline work from Randy? Should I confront the Randy with the rumors I have heard and explain that I am not interested? Leave the firm before I get too invested?

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A:

This is an all-too-common situation that puts many young lawyers (sometimes men as well) in awkward situations, having to balance their wish to advance in their careers with sidestepping or perhaps avoiding an oafish male or female who have the power to give out assignments and otherwise help or hinder advancement. You're lucky in a way that you've been warned about Randy's extracurricular activities. You won't have to go through the ambiguous, "is something funny going on here?" phase that many endure, as they try to divine whether the extra-friendly attitude and invitations to drinks and dinner are natural extensions of work life or a prelude to unwanted romance.

Certainly seeking out a female mentor is a wise idea. Other women in the firm can give you a realistic idea about the politics of the place, and about what to do to handle a "Randy" so that you can continue to do good work without being sidelined by this episode. If you let a female or male you trust know that you are uncomfortable, buttressed with observable facts and figures, they have a duty to do something about it. Randy is a threat to their partnership and they can't afford to let the problem drift. Oftentimes, these issues are handled informally behind closed doors and nipped in the bud before they become a problem. Partners are not anxious for any trouble and in particular don't want to be socked with settlements and bad publicity brought about by colleagues with wandering eyes. And if the relationship does develop into what is unmistakably a harassment situation, your firm undoubtedly has guidelines in place about the procedure to follow (who to talk with, investigatory procedures, etc.).

On the other hand, if you do that, obviously it's unlikely that you and Randy will be working together. (In that situation the firm ought to make sure you have comparable assignments so that you are not improperly penalized for the situation.) If it's very important to you to work with Randy in particular, you can do a variety of things to fend him off, hoping that eventually he will get the message and leave you alone: complete assignments superbly so that he values your work, and avoid meals or drinks when it's just you two of you (recruit others to come along). It may just be possible, eventually, to say to him directly that you sense he's interested and that you're not, but that it's extremely important to you to work with him since he's such an accomplished lawyer. This is a much trickier thing to accomplish and I would not suggest it as a possibility unless you are very confident that you can pull it off.

You're already far down the path to a strategic dead-end if you're making up a fianc�. It would be better to put strategies in place that relied on fact rather than fiction. Remember that spinning tales like this can wind up making you look foolish or worse when inquiries about your "intended" get awkward. And leaving the firm is a complete and total last resort. For you to lose the opportunity to work in a firm merely because of one persistent lothario is a grossly unfair outcome. You say you are in a large firm so there should be lots of other fish in the sea.

A word here about the responsibility of people in supervisory positions is in order. It is the obligation of supervisors to recognize where situations might appear uncomfortable and to organize circumstances so that work and networking can get done without making anyone tense. Responsible supervisors will recognize potential awkwardness and build in protections so that everyone feels comfortable but also has access to people in power. There are many things people can do to put subordinates at ease: talk about their families, concentrate on career topics, adopt an appropriate, friendly type attitude, emphasize that everyone is on a team, and discuss topics that have little potential to get personal (e.g., current events, sports, even religion and politics are better than your social life).

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work