New York Lawyer
October 12, 2006

Q:
Do you have any experience dealing with Jekyll-and-Hyde type people? I work with a partner who is ordinarily the nicest guy in the world, but with a drop of pressure, he becomes a crazed control freak, snappish, very unpleasant to work with. As soon as the big crisis passes, he once again assumes his affable self.

It's disconcerting. I've gotten kind of used to it but wonder if there's anyway to deal with it or manage it.

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A:

There may be some things you can do to actually change the situation, but I doubt it. I'm going to review a couple of them but concentrate on personal coping mechanisms, as that's more realistic.

Poke gentle fun. As you get to know him better and better, it may be possible to gently poke fun at him to help him become aware of how he comes across. (Warning: do not attempt this when he's in his "Mr. Hyde" persona.) When he's in a good mood, for example, if a reference to a control freak comes up, you could say, "Hmm, not sure I know any control freaks �." and give him a kidding look. It's hard to give specific examples without knowing the person, but you get the idea -- by means of low-key byplay, you can transmit the more direct messages you'd actually like to deliver.

Plan, plan, plan. If you know the guy, and can anticipate his pressure points, plan in advance when possible when a major event is going on, getting a big brief out or what have you. Sit down and agree on deadlines and who's doing what. This may dim some of the fireworks later on.

Check in. Also, check in with him frequently about your progress. Paranoid types generally want to be kept informed so that they can feel a degree of comfort that everything is going okay.

Empathize. Remember that if there's a mess-up, it's his butt, not yours. Being under stress, being the person who will be blamed if there is a problem, is humbling and scary. I'm sure you have experienced this yourself, but it's times ten the further you go up the ladder. So cut him some slack.

Be thankful. At least he's nice the rest of the time. This is in stark contrast to those folks who are bullies 90 - 100% of the time.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work