New York Lawyer
September 14, 2006

Q:
I made a significant e-mail error and want some guidance on how to rectify the situation. I did the classic mistake of hitting "reply all" instead of "reply."

My e-mail made a critical remark about the work that a partner (senior to me) had done on a big document. This partner is very controlling, won't listen to anyone else, and consequently his work sometimes suffers because he can't see that there is any way to do things other than his way. I didn't say exactly that in the email, fortunately, but I did write that it was frustrating the way the document had turned out, due to this partner's approach.

Obviously I am very concerned about regaining the partner's trust. Any suggestions?

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A:

Well, you're in a pickle, aren't you. (I guess it goes without saying that in the future you'd better think twice before you click on "send.") You should do the following:

Own up immediately and apologize fully. Don't say, "I'm sorry if I've offended you." Of course you've offended him; he's completely ticked and is probably thinking vengeful thoughts about you. Say: "I wanted to talk with you immediately about that email. I'm very sorry for what I wrote; I didn't intend for you to see it, obviously, but nonetheless I shouldn't have been writing something critical about you behind your back."

It is faintly possible, at that point, that the partner might open up a conversation about the substance of your comments, but given your point that he's a control freak, I kind of doubt that will happen. Your bigger problem will be to regain his trust in the future.

Assuming he doesn't cut you off without a trace, which could happen, I would suggest you simply lay low. These things have a way of drifting away and being forgotten. However, you will need to redouble your efforts to get back in his good graces, by working hard, being extremely responsive, and otherwise demonstrating that there are more reasons to stick with you than to drop you.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work