New York Lawyer
February 23, 2006

Q:
My firm hosts occasional parties at which it is acceptable and even encouraged to drink. I never get drunk at these functions, I never make obnoxious comments, or act inappropriately in any way.

However, after one drink I look absolutely intoxicated.

My face gets blotchy and red, my eyes look glassed over. I know that I look drunk, but I don't act drunk and I really enjoying having a beer with my co-workers. At my firm it seems like being able to "loosen up" is crucial to the social networking. This always happens to some degree after just one drink, sometimes it is worse if I drink more than one, but it can be equally as bad after one beer as three.

Do you have any suggestions for how to handle this?

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A:

I think you're right to be concerned about this issue. Getting an undeserved reputation as a lush will not help you advance. At the same time, it's correct to be sensitive to the ways in which you can bond with co-workers and be part of the firm in a meaningful way.

While it may seem a bit unfair to effectively penalize you for this physiological condition, it's probably a good idea (at least while you are establishing your reputation) to appear to be joining in the fun while not drinking alcohol. You can drink non-alcoholic beers, for instance, and cut out the risk. (Likewise, a glass of water with a slice of lime could just as easily be a vodka and tonic for all anyone knows.) There are lots of people who don't drink at all, due to a problem with alcoholism or health concerns or what have you.

So I wouldn't concentrate too exclusively on the alcohol part. If actual consumption of alcohol is the way to be "in" at your firm, I'd assume there would be a fair amount of drunkenness with other attorneys as a result. The point of these gatherings is to socialize with others, get to know them, bond with them, make them feel comfortable with you so that they are more likely to seek you out to give you work, to trust you, and won't overlook you at times when your fate is in their hands. That's what's going on here at the end of the day.

The only other alternative would be either accepting that you come across as possibly intoxicated, and hoping that people don't notice, or making some embarrassing (and undoubtedly unconvincing sounding) explanations. These aren't good options.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work