New York Lawyer
December 8, 2005

Q:
Last year my secretary gave me an embarrassingly nice Christmas present, much more expensive than I think it should have been. I gave her something quite a bit less expensive. I want to do the right thing by my secretary but I think it�s inappropriate to exchange such costly gifts. What can I do to change this dynamic? I notice that there�s a wide variation around my office in terms of gift exchange between attorneys and secretaries. Some people don�t do anything; other people get carried away.

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A:

This question brings up conflicting aims. On the one hand, if you have a great assistant, a nice gift goes a long way towards increasing loyalty and showing appreciation. On the other hand, you are working in an office and your relationship isn�t precisely akin to friendship, and therefore there are different expectations and implications about gift giving. Also, your gift to your secretary isn�t an isolated event; people compare notes.

As for your individual situation, one obvious way to set the tone this year is to give her a present early that�s appropriate in expense. (Keep in mind that your secretary probably was unsure what to buy and decided, quite understandably, to err on the side of being generous rather than chintzy when it came to her boss�s present.) Another approach, if you don�t want it to be too overtly pricey but you want to do something special, is to take your secretary out to a nice place for lunch, give her a gift certificate to a restaurant that she likes, or give her a gift certificate for something she likes (a favorite store, salon, etc.). That allows you to be generous without an overly obvious display of riches that can spark competition and resentment among co-workers.

If the gift-giving thing becomes too inconsistent or troublesome in a workplace it can be appropriate to put a policy in place. It�s important on a firm-wide basis that gifts be reasonable and that some people don�t get left out entirely while other people are sporting luxury goods. Management needn�t legislate gift giving too strictly but could indicate that presents should be reasonable in nature. Also, there should be policies about the types of gifts that can be given, for instance, that they not be too personal in nature or have any kind of innuendo involving sexuality or ethnicity.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work