New York Lawyer
November 17, 2005

Q:
I am a low-key person, and think of myself as modest. Sometimes I think that perhaps in the world of dog-eat-dog lawyers, I have a problem in that regard. Specifically, I don't like to toot my own horn. If someone gives a compliment, I am very likely to wave it away, to be self-effacing, mainly because I think that hogging credit is obnoxious.

Having said that, I recently had a review in which it was said that I lack confidence. I really don't feel I lack confidence - I think I'm an excellent lawyer. Obviously, though, my manner is hurting my career in some way. Any thoughts on what a modest person can do to convince others that a low-key manner is a plus, not a minus?

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A:

My sympathies. It is tough to be a laid back kind of person in the aggressive world of lawyering. However, there are techniques and approaches that you can use to stay comfortable with yourself, but still let the world know that you know what's going on. Here are some tips:

Understand the stakes. Other people can't necessarily read the tea leaves; they are only going to understand what they see in front of them. Therefore you need to be aware that others have to have a way to find out about your stellar qualities and accomplishments. It is not going to happen if you never say anything and negate all compliments. This becomes a process of passing on information, not unbearable boasting.

Accept a compliment. Speaking of which, practice a line to say when you get a compliment: "Thanks, I enjoyed working on that case." That's it - not "Oh, it was nothing," or something like that. The problem is that if you minimize your ability, other people (not knowing what you've done) may do so as well.

Fold in accomplishments. If you don't like bragging (and let's hear it for less bragging), you still need to have a way to let people know what your accomplishments are. One way is to mention things in passing, like "When we won the Smith case, the judge focused on a similar issue."

Be directed. It helps to have a direction for your career. If you are working towards something - a particular specialty, cultivating certain clients, etc. - it automatically gives you something to update others about, gives you a framework to fit in information. It sounds less like horn-tooting and more like updating, passing on relevant information that will benefit the firm as a whole.

Ask for examples in reviews. If you get some disturbing feedback, ask the reviewer about exactly what they mean, so it's clear you understand. Is it the way you talk? The things you say? The manner in which you comport yourself? Find out, and then you can start to respond to their concerns. And take heart. The world needs more modesty, not less. Just make it work for you and not against you.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work