New York Lawyer
April 7, 2005

Q:
Sometimes I notice that younger male associates, especially those that have just started out, seem to bristle a little at getting feedback/criticism from me, a female senior associate. I wonder if it�s because of the way I give the criticism or whether they don�t like hearing something even a little negative from a woman. This can be frustrating as at times I think my points are discounted, which is unfortunate when the males are doing a sub-standard job and really could stand to improve.

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A:

I�ve heard about this dynamic, and experienced it myself now and then.

In individual situations, it may or may not be the case that they are reacting to you negatively rather than because of your management style, so don�t be too quick to judge, but if repeated encounters with the same people yield a dismissive or arrogant response, then you probably are correct.

The reasons for this reaction are the usual suspects -- that women aren�t yet fully accepted as authority figures; if you stray from the traditional nice, supportive role you can get a negative reaction, etc. Although people are more accustomed than in the past to having female supervisors, and thrive on female supervisors so long as they are "nice," trouble begins when women start doing some of the tough things that must be done in a supervisory role, including giving critical feedback.

So how should you handle it?

First, reassure yourself that what you are doing is absolutely necessary and appropriate. Good feedback is the most effective way for people to learn. You are doing the right thing for the firm by discussing performance issues with associates whom you supervise.

Make sure to stick to the basics of good communication/feedback -- deal in facts and observable points, not judgmental conclusions; make clear that you are working as a team, that it�s not adversarial; get your message across but not so you�re alienating; agree on ways to improve and devise a follow-up plan to track that improvement. Also, make sure to pass along specific pointers about good performance as well.

This is the appropriate method to use for all the people you deal with, not just for the guys. Naturally, however, you may want to tailor your approach depending on the personality of the person you�re talking to. A highly sensitive person will require a little more tact; with a thick-skinned person, by contrast, you will need to be more direct to make sure he or she gets the message.

If your feedback delivery is impeccable and you still experience this dismissive, arrogant attitude, it�s his problem, not yours. You could try to discuss it with him in a neutral way. You can say: "We need to work together as a team for the good of our clients. Sometimes I feel that when I suggest a new way of doing something, or point out a problem, that you seem angry or dismissive. Can we talk about an effective way to communicate?" Make sure he understands the purpose of the feedback and how the intent is to ensure that he is trained to be the best lawyer possible.

And perhaps you can get assistance from someone higher up the food chain, including the associate�s mentor. You can explain what�s going on and ask them to intervene. Alternatively, you can mention this dynamic to the partners who are handling the associate�s performance review; since the ability to field and benefit from criticism is a critical growth factor, it is more than appropriate to pass this information along.

Sincerely,
Holly English