New York Lawyer
December 16, 2004

Q:
I�m always getting interrupted in meetings or in conferences. I have a laid-back style and feel that I am often overridden. When I have tried to remonstrate, I feel that I wind up looking defensive or that I seem angry -- in other words, that I�m overreacting. What�s a good way to deal with this?

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A:

This is more likely to happen to people who have a more reserved style, or who, for cultural reasons, believe it�s rude to cut people off. And this issue is more important than it seems. Some people use interruptions as a power technique, muzzling colleagues whom they believe have less power or who are saying things they don�t agree with. It�s important not to let it happen too much as it can suggest that you are easily overridden and emphasizes a pecking order that you may not want to perpetuate. Moreover, it prevents you from making valuable contributions to the group.

Ideally, whoever�s in charge, or most obviously the superior in the group, should try to deal with this problem. Leaders at meetings, or superiors, should make efforts to guide the conversation, being sensitive when people repeatedly interrupt and saying, "Wait, we didn�t get Ken�s complete thought," alerting interrupters that their antics aren�t going unnoticed. If there is an issue with a particular person, try to talk privately to the most senior person, mentioning that you get frustrated with these interruptions and asking for their help.

The leader can even talk with the offender privately, if there have repeated problems, to point out that the behavior shuts others down and prevents a wide-ranging discussion. Another approach is to set ground rules for meetings, or to ask the group to set the ground rules; inevitably people suggest that a "no interruptions" rule, because -- not surprisingly -- even the worst offenders don�t like to be interrupted themselves!

If you�re on your own, however, and not able to get help from others, keep in mind a few things. First, you may need to tolerate some level of interrupting; indeed, a dynamic, brainstorming sort of conversation often benefits from people building on each other�s ideas. So don�t be overly sensitive. Indeed, people who are interrupting you aren�t necessarily on a power trip; they may just be excited about the matter under discussion.

Second, practice a neutral sort of line to deliver if you are repeatedly and improperly interrupted. Say, in a factual tone, "I just want to finish my thought here." This is better than "I�m not done" or "Do you mind?" or "Please let me finish," which sound angry. Your internal attitude should be, "I�m entitled to talk, and I need to appear that way," which will lend you an unruffled air rather than a defensive cast. In this way you can rebut the interruptions and retain your dignity.

Sincerely,
Holly English