New York Lawyer
November 4, 2004

Q:
I am a female attorney and I have an important male client who is making me a little nervous. He is very nice and gentlemanly, but I think he "likes" me. Apart from the fact that it�s not ethical to be involved with a client, I�m not interested in him in the slightest. He hasn�t asked me out or anything but I get the strong impression that it�s just a matter of time.

And it�s not like I can really say there is anything approaching "sexual harassment" going on. It�s nothing overt, more like the fact that he leans a little too close, laughs too much at my jokes, and just generally seems smitten.

Any tips on heading him off? What should I say, if anything, to the partner who�s supervising this matter? I�m a little reluctant to rock the boat.

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A:

This happens frequently to females with male clients, and also happens occasionally with male attorneys who have female clients who come on to them. Usually people determine that they will handle these issues with greater delicacy than they might handle with a colleague in the office.

And in fact, while firms usually have very clear policies about dealing with potential sexual harassment issues within firms, they often aren�t quite as proactive when it comes to clients. Sometimes a subtle message will issue that one should sort of "put up with it" for the sake of retaining the business. (Firms are liable if they know or should have known one of their employees is being harassed by a client and they don�t do anything about it.)

Although, in the ideal world, this shouldn�t be a problem that you have to shoulder on your own, I understand your discomfort about "rocking the boat." While we would all like to think that speaking up in this context would not backfire on us career-wise, there is significant evidence to the contrary. It�s never easy to prove that speaking up about a problem is the cause of future problems, such as a loss of high profile work assignments or a partner generally avoiding you, but it does occur. Therefore I would try handling it on your own first, and if the problem escalates, only at that point bring it the attention of others.

Here are my suggestions:

Make sure not to be alone together. Don�t let him walk you anyplace together, drive together, take a cab together, or anything of that sort.

Refer to your boyfriend or partner frequently in passing to emphasize that you already have a thriving personal life.

Refer to him as a "great friend." Similarly, if he�s older, tell him he reminds you of a favorite uncle or grandpa.

If talk gets personal or too cozy, steer it determinedly back to work issues.

If these things don�t seem to work, talk with the partner in charge and explain that you are uncomfortable. Or talk with another partner/colleague and ask for some tips on approaching the partner. Even talking with same-level colleagues has a way of "percolating" information such that it eventually finds it way to partners. Sometimes a partner will then talk with the client and gently suggest that he�s making someone like you uncomfortable. Short of that, at least they can be made aware and will know that they are liable if anything more serious develops from your standpoint.

Sincerely,
Holly English