New York Lawyer
April 15, 2004

Q:
I am a lateral associate who recently moved to the Northeast to join a very small law firm. Most of the attorneys are male and married.

How, as the only female associate and one of only two female attorneys at the firm, can I build up relationships and professional contacts with other attorneys in my geographic area? I have already joined the local bar association and try to go to as many events as possible that are relevant to my practice.

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A:

I�m not sure what you�re really asking here -- to me it seems like you�re saying that in addition to the difficulties of being a lateral and new to the area, you�re also one of only two females, which compounds those dilemmas. It is definitely more of a challenge than it would be if you too were a married guy, easily fitting into the firm culture, but it can be done. There are concrete steps you can take that will help you out and make the difference between being new and unconnected versus having a sea of contacts.

The first step is to build a strong home base. I know you wanted to know about building contacts within the broader legal community, but think about it -- you�ll have the most exposure to the people in the your firm, who in turn can introduce you to others, refer you to others in your practice area, and generally make it much simpler to become integrated into the community. So see how relationships are built around your firm. Are people all- work/all-the-time, getting to know each other through professional experiences, or do they rely more on drinking together after hours, going to sports events, and hanging out with clients informally? Follow their lead.

To be sure, it can be awkward, not only as a lone woman associate, but also as a newcomer, to break into established relationships. The more you can work with a variety of people, the better. And if you�re not working with people due to practice area divisions, build relationships in different ways. If everyone eats lunch together, make a habit of joining the lunchroom crowd. Drop in on people in their offices and chat them up, asking them about things to do in town and groups to join. Building on these relationships, you can get invited along to bar events, get introduced to others, and become integrated in that fashion. Think how much easier it is to get to know people if it�s through other people, rather than standing around as the awkward new person with your glass of Chardonnay, praying someone will talk to you. Also, if your colleagues get to know you and like you, they will be more likely to include you in client entertainment functions.

Seek out the female partner, if possible, for a little solidarity. This doesn�t always work, of course, but it can ease the sense of isolation that sometimes occurs. You don�t want to be too closely identified with her, in my opinion, because the two of you don�t want to seem like "the women" who are kind of off to the side and viewed as a unit. But she also may be able to provide ideas about how to get more involved, introduce you to people in the area, and so forth.

The easiest way, of course, to really get to meet people is to volunteer for leadership positions within the bar sections or committees in your practice area -- especially the thankless jobs that no one else wants to do. While actually doing the job may be no fun, you inevitably get to meet lots of people, and again interacting with them even while immersed in drudgery accomplishes the task of building bonds that otherwise wouldn�t exist.

Also, there are lots of activities that are pro bono or volunteer efforts run by attorneys, such as programs in the schools, where you again get to meet people. Even activities not within the legal arena -- serving on boards, becoming involved in a church or synagogue -- are good ways to find those new acquaintances, at least some of whom will be lawyers, or who will know lawyers, be married to them, etc.

A lot of these things will happen naturally over time even if you don�t put in special effort. If you want to speed things up, though, these actions will help.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work