New York Lawyer
May 1, 2003

Q:
I am a partner and I work with an associate whose work is okay but not stellar. I've established a good working relationship with this guy and we've become friends -- we go out to eat, sometimes socialize together, etc. At first I thought his work was fine but now I've realized he really has severe deficiencies. I feel awkward, though, bringing this stuff up. We have such a buddy-buddy relationship that I don't want to spoil our friendship, but he really does need help and my attempts to point out some problems don't seem to have struck home with him. What are your thoughts?

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A:

It's great to have good relationships at work, and to get along well with people, but at the end of the day you're there to work. An important management lesson is learning how to balance friendship and work so that the first doesn't overwhelm the second.

Other people don't bother trying to nurture good relationships, so give yourself credit for caring enough to do so. Unfortunately, it's harder to cool a warm relationship than the other way around.

You need to do something about this as it's only going to fester and get worse. If you think the problems are repairable, that's easier than if you think the guy has fatal problems and won't last. You'll need to square your shoulders and simply level with him, probably more directly than you have in the past. Yes, you will jeopardize your cozy relationship with him short-term, but you have to do it, more for his sake than for yours. If in the end he is helped and becomes a better lawyer, he will get over his initial resentment or anger. (If he doesn't, he probably can't make the grade anyway, as willingness to develop and take on constructive criticism is crucial to becoming a superb practitioner.) You also need to do it for the sake of the firm, who needs high performing lawyers and not those who need to be closely supervised, have their work done over for them, and so forth.

While you should be direct, you can also be nuanced enough to keep him from becoming overly defensive and negative. Phrase your concerns in terms of a problem that you have, to take the spotlight off him a little: "I'm concerned that there are some performance issues that may be getting in the way of your development. I want to figure out a constructive way to talk about this with you." If your message is that you care about this person, and are on his side (not judgmental, which is the kiss of death), you are more likely to be able to get through to him than if you come down too hard.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work