New York Lawyer
September 19, 2002

Q:
How can a female associate develop a close but professional working relationship with a client without risking that she will be taken less seriously or sexually harassed?

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A:

In the increasingly complex working world of men and women, the question of how to blend professionalism and a friendly relationship, leading to more work and increased stature, is sometimes a tough one for a woman. It can be done. The most important thing, however, is to be aware of the issues you�ve brought up and arm yourself accordingly.

I don�t know who else is involved with this client. If there�s a partner who has the primary client relationship, you obviously have to be aware of and mindful of that relationship, and not undercut it or appear to be muscling in inappropriately.

You�re right to worry about being taken less seriously or being harassed. The gossip machine loves to kick into gear to speculate about men and women who work closely together. Avoiding rumors that can hurt your career is important. This means the "dinner alone" scenario and other date-type things are pretty much out. On the other hand, being taken seriously in a law firm is all about generating business, so positive client development is key.

Many women use charm and flirtatiousness to get ahead and to relate to clients and colleagues, and it often works. Be aware that if you adopt an openly flirtatious tone with the fellow, that�s where you may start to slide down what others regard as a slippery slope. It has to be done skillfully, with all parties mindful that it�s a game intended to facilitate relationships and without suggesting the promise of something more. After all, strictly speaking "to flirt" means "to behave amorously without serious intent." Be clear that many people (which could include some of the powerful partners in your firm) regard such an approach negatively. You�ll need to weigh the pros and cons carefully.

In any event, it could backfire. Clients do 18 percent of harassing of lawyers, it turns out, according to Dr. Fraeda Klein, of Klein Associates in San Francisco, who works with professional service firms on issues of harassment, diversity and bias and has conducted independent research on this topic. So it�s a very real possibility, and legal workplaces do a lousy job of dealing with it. Unfortunately "the customer�s always right" holds sway far more than it should, resulting in humoring the client and basically praying the situation will go away more than dealing with it. (Of course, if the situation were to develop into actionable sexual harassment, the firm itself would be liable under a hostile working environment theory, according to employment lawyer Paul Buchanan, of Stoel Rives LLP in Portland, Oregon.)

What�s more likely to occur than severe sexual harassment, however, would be the subtler stuff -- slightly off-color jokes, casual remarks on your appearance, sitting a little too close, etc. You could find these things more bothersome than you may believe. If that sort of thing happens you can humorously deflect remarks, or ignore him pointedly and move on directly to business, sending the message that his actions makes you uncomfortable without coming right out and saying it. Usually people get the idea. If not, you may have to be more direct.

You can take steps to avoid awkward situations in the first place. "If you have a client who orders wine over dinner, and insists on walking you to your hotel room, just politely say thank you, I�ll go from here," advises employment lawyer Lynne Anne Anderson of Sills Cummis Radin Tischman Epstein & Gross, P.A., in Newark, NJ. "Meet people in lobbies. Never meet anyone in a hotel room, ever. Drive yourself whenever possible. If someone is putting you in an inappropriate position, next time schedule a group session. Your conversation should be of a professional nature. You can engage in personal conversation that is not intimate or would go down a path that would be other than a personal relationship."

What can you do that�s more positive in nature? Be intensely interested in the client�s work, try to anticipate what he needs, and do a fabulous job. That�s the most important thing. There are other approaches, if you want to really impress him and develop a closer bond. Send the client clippings of interest and keep up on his industry so that it�s clear you care about his world. If the client is married and has a family, learn about his children, keep up with how his wife and kids are doing and ask about them. This not only sends the message that you care about him as a person, it neutralizes some of the sexual tension. If you can, get the partner in charge to organize client outings that include family members, to put a wholesome cast on things. If a partner is not involved, organize such outings yourself if there�s an entertainment budget, again in a family context, such as sporting or theatrical events.

If you keep the best interests of the client in mind, and are keenly aware of how your own actions can be perceived, you should be able to achieve your aim.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work