New York Lawyer
May 2, 2002

Q:
I am working for a major screamer. This guy is ruining my life. I never know whether he�s going to be in a good mood or a bad mood. When he�s in a good mood, things are great � he praises everything, couldn�t be nicer, but when he�s steamed it�s terrifying. He is very cutting, sarcastic and demeaning.

He�s a major player in the firm, tons of revenue and big clients, so everyone kowtows to him, but people (especially me!) really can�t stand him. I have to say I�ve learned a lot while working with him, and when things are good they�re good. Am I being a masochist? Should I get out of here?

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A:
There may be one or two workplaces in the world without a person like the one you are describing, but I haven�t found them yet. The behavior pattern you�re talking about is a classic abuser�s profile: volatile and crazy behavior followed by sweetness and light, alternating blame and praise. This raises fundamental questions about the quality of workplace life versus profits above all.

If you are harboring any thoughts that the firm will soon see the light and get rid of this guy, I wouldn�t hold my breath. Generally, firms prefer to hang on to the people bringing in major revenue, even if it means putting up with some bad behavior. I�d assume he�s there to stay.

And my thinking on this topic has changed over the years. For a long time my party line was that responsible management should oust people who fit this profile, to send a clear message that responsible behavior is required. But I�ve modified my thinking, for two reasons: management almost always tends to tolerate these people, so relying on the �get rid of them� advice is unrealistic; and because the screamers often do bring some real virtues and talents to their jobs that other people can benefit from.

With that in mind, the question becomes how (or whether) to manage your relationship with this partner. The short-term answer may be easier than the long-term. You don�t say how long you�ve been working with him (it probably seems like eons), but it could be that you can gain a lot from the relationship in the short term. Often these personality types bring both great strengths and great weaknesses � it seems that it�s hard to have one without the other. If you keep focused on the positives � that you are learning and developing, that you can learn simply by watching a superstar in action, you may be making good contacts and developing strong relationships with clients � you may make the decision to put up with the negatives, at least for a while.

But if you are suffering severe mental and physical symptoms because of this relationship � like sleeplessness, extreme anxiety, and panic attacks � the cons may be worse than the pros. You should try to get reassigned or look around for another position.

It would be nice if management in your firm took a hard look at this situation and at least tried some intervention. Partners bear a responsibility for providing a healthy environment for others to work in, and it�s not fair or appropriate for them to turn a blind eye to what this guy is doing to others.

They may not want to get rid of their disagreeable partner, but they could consider working closely with him or assigning him a coach to sand off the rough edges. (Other partners are probably just as scared of the guy as you are, however.) If they took the trouble to add up the actual costs (high turnover) as well as less tangible costs (driving everyone crazy) that this partner causes, however, he might not seem like such a bargain to put up with. Try to keep your sanity, whatever decision you ultimately make.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work