New York Lawyer
March 7, 2002

Q:
I am head of a practice area and think of myself as an easy going person, very open to disagreement within our firm. I like meetings where we challenge each other�s viewpoints.

Recently, however, a youngish male associate has been getting on my nerves. He�s very smart and seems to delight in making provocative remarks that directly disagree with things that I, in particular, say. In other words, he seems to get off on being flippant and contrarian. He�s sort of taking advantage of my openness and pushing things too far.

Part of me feels like this is okay and I shouldn�t worry about it, but I also am annoyed by it. I don�t want to react too much to him in public because that will look defensive and like I�m trying to stifle dissent. How should I handle him?

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A:
It is admirable as well as smart that you try to live up to the ideal of open dialogue. It�s not fun to work in a place where everyone has to say what the boss wants to hear, and where everyone fears deviating from the party line lest they fall out of favor. And it�s poor policy from the firm�s standpoint, since you really need to hear all points of view to do the best thing for the client.

That said, I think you should insist upon basic respect and civility in these exchanges. A good exchange of feedback can be defined as one where sensitive information is communicated, the relationship is preserved and (if appropriate) corrective action is taken. This guy is falling down on preserving his relationship with you, since his manner is so off-putting that you are focusing more on his method than on his message.

You�re right to be wary about how to handle this. It�s tempting to want to skewer him in public just to put him in his place. And if he�s particularly out of line that might be the thing to do � maybe he�s a bully-in-training who only understands harsh tactics. Other people in these meetings may be silently resenting his wise-ass routine and would welcome a surgical strike. But the risk in shutting him down is that along with him, you may shut down others who don�t understand that you welcome dissent so long as it�s respectfully delivered.

A better first step might be to talk with him when you�re in a neutral frame of mind and to deliver your thoughts without rancor, focusing on the best interests of the firm and its clients. You could say something like: �You know that we encourage a free exchange of ideas around here, and the content of the thoughts you contribute are terrific. My concern is that your manner makes me uncomfortable, and I wind up thinking more about my discomfort with your approach than on what you�re saying. So to be most effective, I�d appreciate it if you would try to soften the way you deliver your comments in the future. Keep in mind that what we�re trying to do here is to best service the client. If we get more concerned with one-upping each other, then our discussions will tend to get bogged down in politics rather than searching for the best approach.�

If he�s basically a good guy who�s gotten too much of a head of steam, that approach should do the trick. If not, you may have to be more direct. Keep up your easygoing ways, though � don�t let one contrarian get you down.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work