New York Lawyer
February 7, 2002

Q:
Recently my wife and I attended a holiday party at one of my partner�s homes. Most of the other partners and their spouses attended as well. When we got home, my wife demanded, �How can you stand working with those people?� She thought they were arrogant, self-centered and pompous.

She�s got a point � they aren�t the greatest people. But I hadn�t really thought about how much I don�t particularly like them until she said what she said. Do I have to like my partners? Would I be better off � as a person and as a lawyer � practicing with people I genuinely enjoy?

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A:
No, you don�t have to like your partners. Life might, however, be more pleasant if you did.

A good working relationship does not require what we typically think of as friendship. Some of the best working relationships are between people who never, ever socialize together and who don�t have much to say to one another if the subject ever veers away from contracts and torts. Conversely, friends can make lousy work partners. Lots of business ventures have cratered because the participants think that a good friendship will translate into good business.

Resolving this question depends on what you�re looking for in a business setting. It could be that friendship in the workplace isn�t important to you. If you are seeking strictly �work� satisfaction at your firm, and you respect the quality of the work your partners are producing, you may have no complaints about fulfilling your need for friends elsewhere.

That your wife�s question struck a chord, though, is significant. First, it is casting new light on a setting that you�d taken for granted. Perhaps you�re not particularly happy there, and hadn�t realized that it would be nice to have a few buddies at work whom you actually liked. There may be a more suitable workplace out there for you, and it�s worth exploring the idea so that you don�t unwittingly live out your days with folks you can�t stand.

Your wife seems to hint at a second issue: That you are compromising your personal values by hanging around with these cretins. Perhaps she believes that you are betraying yourself by remaining where you are, lending credence and support to people whom she thinks are priggish dolts. She may believe that you owe it to yourself and to society to work among like-minded people. If their boorishness is so extreme that it gives lawyers a bad name, she may have a point. Why would anyone want to ally themselves with people like that?

In any event, if you stick with the firm, your wife should skip the parties and stay home with a good book.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work