New York Lawyer
January 3, 2002

Q:
I am a senior associate and I work frequently with a senior partner, often helping him with negotiations. This guy is very smart and capable, but his negotiating style rubs me the wrong way. He haggles over every little point, he subtly insults the other side, he bluffs by threatening things I know we would never actually do, and he stands over people in an intimidating way.

I have a very different style. I believe he thinks that I�m a wimp because I have a low-key, collaborative, non-confrontational style. Certainly, some clients like his approach -- but others are turned off. Opposing counsel often finds it wearisome. Is there anything to be done about such a person?

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A:
It�s embarrassing at times to be associated with people who have very strong, aggressive styles. You see people across the table rolling their eyes, looking at you like, �How do you put up with this guy?�

What can you do? He�s senior to you, so probably not a heck of a lot. If he�s getting good results, he�s probably not too interested in hearing about the shortcomings of his style. He no doubt perceives that he succeeds in large part because of his style.

You, however, don�t have to mimic him. If you repeatedly get good results for clients using your low-key style, you will prove that that approach �works� just as well as a more aggressive style, and at the same time provides a more pleasant working environment for all.

You also must weigh your own career priorities. How big a problem does this guy present, given the whole picture of your employment? If you weigh all the factors involved in working with him, is there more positive than negative? Is he bullying and obnoxious in other contexts? Or does he treat you well? Does he give you good assignments, and trust and respect your abilities? If so, sometimes it makes sense to put up with some short-term discomfort for the long-term advantages of learning and professional growth.

Your perception that he doesn�t respect your style presents a different issue. Often aggressive, brash, intimidating advocates downgrade or marginalize people with quieter, more reasonable approaches. But management trends in recent years, if not decades, have emphasized the importance of greater collaborativeness and consultation, so there�s plenty of advice out there suggesting -- even insisting -- that your approach is actually better.

I think there�s room for lots of styles out there -- even, at times, obnoxious bullying ones -- so I don�t insist that judgments be made about �better� or �worse.� But I do think that the only way to make your case for a more reasonable style is to have confidence that it�s a winning approach, do it unapologetically, and bask in a good outcome. If you don�t believe your approach is any good, he assuredly won�t -- and he won�t be shy about letting you know it.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work