New York Lawyer
December 20, 2001

Q:
My question is in reference to a previous query, in which a partner asked what he should do when an associate is backstabbing other associates. My question is just the opposite: What can you do when you�re the victim of backstabbing?

Submit Your Question

Find More Answers

A:
Responding to backstabbing must be done carefully and thoughtfully. It would be nice to just ignore it and hope that your reputation and hard work will win out, but unfortunately backstabbers often have surprising clout in the workplace when their sniping goes unchecked.

First and foremost, don�t confront the person; that just plays into his hands. He�ll be delighted that he�s gotten under your skin. Also, don�t lose your temper with him, or otherwise lose control. It may feel good to tell somebody off, but usually it only feels good for about a minute. Then reality sinks in and you realize that you�ve blown it.

Instead, respond in sorrow, not in anger. If the creep is undermining you in front of others, for instance, respond: �I�m sorry that you don�t seem to understand the approach we�re taking. Let me explain it to you.� Your tormentor will be infuriated but can�t do much without looking idiotic. Equally effective is to use humor whenever possible as a deflator, which also projects that you�re in control and unruffled by his antics.

On another front, if you believe you are being systematically cut down behind your back, you need to counter the impression these comments leave with your boss or any other person for whom you do work. Don�t promote yourself too obviously. Instead, promote the interests of the firm, and wrap your accomplishments and objectives into concerns about the firm�s future: �I�ve managed 25 files this year and it�s worked out well. I�d like to take on more in the coming year, so that we can serve more clients.�

Make sure to build alliances and make friends all around the firm, so that others know you and respect you, and so that your reputation will counter any vicious comments your backstabbing enemy might dish out. Also, be aggressive about communication; make sure to let others know what you�re doing and why, so that your actions are clear and so that the backstabber can�t pin anything on you that isn�t your responsibility.

And now for the broadest advice: Help other people out who might find themselves in this jam. You know how it feels, so make sure to defend people who are victimized and help to isolate folks who seem to have nothing better to do than make other people�s lives miserable. Your workplace will be a better one for your efforts.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work