New York Lawyer
November 8, 2001

Q:
I am a third-year associate in the intellectual property practice area of my firm. I am very attracted to a female associate in another practice area. She�s a fourth-year. We�ve had nice conversations and I�d really like to ask her out.

However, I know the whole drill about office romances, sexual harassment charges that sometimes follow when a relationship doesn�t work out, etc. What should I do in this case? Should I just ignore feelings that this could be a really terrific relationship, just to observe these legal guidelines?

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A:
Employment lawyers will advise you backwards and forwards that you shouldn�t even think about having an office romance. (In the next breath, they�ll tell you about the office romances they�ve had . . . ) They are particularly concerned about the power imbalance and perceptions of favoritism that can occur when a worker dates a supervisor, or a partner dates an associate.

The legal pitfalls in your scenario are significantly smaller, since you are basically peers and not in the same department. Also in favor of your budding romance is that you are probably youngish (in your 20�s) and -- presumably -- actively looking for dates and possibly even a spouse. Since many people find their mate in the workplace -- especially lawyers, since they�re always at the office and not out meeting people at normal places like parties and bars -- it�s fair enough that you might find true love in the office suite.

Indeed, if you wind up marrying this woman, all of your qualms will prove groundless. But � and it�s a big �but� � what if you don�t? I�d suggest you visualize coming to the same workplace with someone you have broken up with � or worse, been dumped by. You�re in different departments, but it�s possible you would have to work together on something, certainly you�d see her around, you know people who know her, etc. It could be agonizing for either one of you, awkward going out with groups of people who know what�s happened, and might even affect your career.

Perhaps the answer is to take it slow, go out for a latte together, and really get a sense as to whether it�s a relationship worth pursuing before jumping in with both feet. Even if the legal stuff isn�t a problem, big-time heartbreak certainly is.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work