New York Lawyer
May 17, 2001

Q:
I am a female senior associate and have observed an older female partner in her early 40�s, quite attractive and very successful, in her interactions with male clients, associates and partners. It seems to me that her modus operandi consists of � well, flirting.

If she�s sitting next to a man, she frequently touches his arm, leans in to him, smiles a lot, tosses her hair, laughs extravagantly at his remarks, and so forth. It�s a little stomach-turning, but guys seem to love it. I worry about this sort of thing. Is this really the way to get ahead? Doesn�t this reinforce every inappropriate stereotype you�ve ever heard of?

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A:
Everybody has his or her own style of getting along with others. And personal style is often integral to effective business development and client retention. Many people would have immediate, visceral, usually negative reactions to this scenario.

I�ve talked to lots of young female lawyers who think this behavior is outdated and an illegitimate way to get ahead. But in fact, that judgment is less obvious than it may appear. I�ve gone back and forth on this issue myself, sometimes condemning flirtation, other times feeling it�s harmless -- more friendliness than anything else. Probably a �judgment,� if appropriate at all, hinges on the totality of factors � if flirtation looms too large in someone�s style, it may overwhelm other factors and become an issue all by itself.

The definition of �flirting� is �to make insincere advances,� and �to act amorously without serious intentions.� Many female lawyers use low-level flirtation as their style and don�t apologize for it. (Incidentally, there are more than a few male lawyers who flirt with female clients and colleagues, too.) It often works, and yes, it is a way to get ahead -- although not the only way. It can range from what in men would simply be called friendliness � warmth, remembering personal details, kidding around, etc. � all the way to more provocative clothing, off-color jokes, dating clients, etc.

Flirtation by either men or women can backfire. "Flirting sometimes is a way to communicate,� notes Pamela Bresnahan, a partner with Vorys, Sater, Seymour and Pease LLP in Washington, D.C., who does professional liability work. �But it may attract unwanted attention. So, beware communication via flirtation. Your clients may be listening to the flirting but not the message. And, of course, you may not be taken seriously when you switch from flirting to serious advice."

If your intention is friendliness alone, and it�s not confused for something else, it�s not a big problem. And if you intend and want something more serious (e.g., a romantic involvement), you need to ask yourself about conflicts of interest, the consequences if the relationship sours, etc. The key is to avoid a serious misunderstanding of your intent.

Sincerely,
Holly English
Principal Consultant, Values at Work